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I really ought to allow myself more than eight minutes occasionally... - dorsetgirl
November 3rd, 2008
01:55 pm
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I really ought to allow myself more than eight minutes occasionally...

There are so many things I'm trying not to think about just now, that I'm finding it impossible to settle to anything at all, including writing. Which makes having discovered flashslash  a total life-saver, because I really need to write at the moment. Anyway, yet another miniature stress-relief fic, written for Flashslash prompt 80.



Prompt: morning reply fascination come

 

 

 

Sam wakes up every morning, fascination renewed as he looks at Gene sprawled out beside him.

 

Every night this man makes him come like he’s never come before; every night this man makes him groan and beg and clench every muscle he has to stop from weeping with joy and fear.

 

And every night he asks Gene what’s so special about the two of them and every night Gene refuses to reply.

 

“If you can’t see it, Sam, you won’t understand if I tell you. You have to see it for yourself, feel it for yourself.”

 

And every night Sam smiles weakly, and backs off again. He doesn’t want to spoil what they have with his incessant need for order and explanation; he doesn’t want to provoke Gene into doing something he’ll regret for ever more.

 

So every morning he lies quietly, watching Gene sleep the sleep of the righteous, deserved or not.

 

And every morning he shuts his eyes quickly as Gene stirs, unwilling to be caught staring at the man. Because all the power he has, he thinks, is in his mystery and oddness. If Gene realises he’s just an ordinary man, and one who would do anything he asks, then it’s all gone.

 

* * *

 

Gene wakes up every morning to a sudden breath from Sam; to a sudden flinch of the eye muscles as the man pretends yet again to be asleep. It doesn’t worry Gene – he’ll get to the bottom of it one day. For now he just blesses the fact that this man was sent to his department, a birthday present such as he’d never dreamed of.

 

He turns over, rolling towards Sam in the warm morning sunshine and slides an arm gently under the covers. “Sam, love?” he murmurs. “You awake in there?” Too late, he realises his mistake. He’s been biting back the word for weeks, afraid to show his hand too clearly and have Sam laugh in his face.

 

Sam’s eyes open wide and a smile moves across his face. “Always, love. Every morning.”

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From:mikes_grrl
Date:November 3rd, 2008 03:21 pm (UTC)
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I have SO been avoiding all the flashslash, not daring to get sucked in, but this is YOU so....

This is just lovely, and I adore this observation about Sam:
He doesn’t want to spoil what they have with his incessant need for order and explanation;

That just rings true.

Glad you getting yourself to write, it is just a necessary thing sometimes. Hope the rest of life calms down a bit for you. <3

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From:dorsetgirl
Date:November 3rd, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
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but this is YOU so....

Oh wow, that is the nicest thing anyone's said to me for weeks! (Yes, I admit, sometimes I post things purely for the comments I hope to get *is pathetic* I don't get any thanks anywhere else.)

*crawls out of self-pity pit*

Thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it! This one really is soppy - for the first time in a flashslash I'd thought about the story beforehand, and decided to write some sex *fail* but in eight minutes you don't actually get to choose, some finger-driving part of the brain does that bit, and you just follow along.

It's such a wanky thing to say, or even think, and I have been surprised by it, but I honestly do feel out of sorts nowadays if I don't write anything at all. Very odd.
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From:nepthys_uk
Date:November 3rd, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
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It doesn’t worry Gene – he’ll get to the bottom of it one day

I like this contrast between Sam, who is fretting about things, and Gene, who isn't! I suppose it *is* a little on the soppy side (*g*), but the very nature of flashslash means you can't really plan it in advance, you just have to go where the whim takes you, which is great for letting yourself go and trying out different ideas. And I have to say I'm tremendously impressed that you can produce something so coherent in 8 minutes!

And I know what you mean - writing can be very cathartic :). I really feel quite changed (in a positive way!) since I started writing about a year ago - not sure I can put my finger on exactly what has changed, but I know its something I want to continue to do. Hope you had a good break, and that RL is becoming less stressful ♥
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From:dorsetgirl
Date:November 3rd, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
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I really feel quite changed (in a positive way!) since I started writing

Yes, me too, totally. And I couldn't say in what way, either, just that I feel like a different person now.

If I were to beta this piece I would say that it doesn't make sense for Gene to be so unconcerned about Sam pretending to be asleep and at the same time be so worried about letting slip a little endearment. The odd thing is, I'm getting used to doing these now, and I seem to have a little time to think - not much, not enough to plan, but enough to review what I'm doing as I go along and make choices to a certain extent. For the first few, it was the oddest feeling, like flying or something - a real no-safety-net sort of job. Now it seems to be getting easier but less exciting!

I've given myself a total day off today, and tomorrow I get back to things, including scheduling your beta! I have part 2 to look at, is that right?
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From:nepthys_uk
Date:November 4th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
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tomorrow I get back to things, including scheduling your beta! I have part 2 to look at, is that right?

- yep, that's right. Don't worry if you have higher priorities, though. I do understand other things may need to come first, so no problems :)
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