Title: Home Thoughts
Fandom: Life on Mars / Ashes to Ashes
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or their universe. BBC/Kudos do. I’m not making any money out of this.
Rating: White Cortina
Pairing: Implied Sam/Gene
Spoiler: Mild for Ashes 1.01 and 1.07
Word Count: 336
Summary: Out of time and out of place, nothing makes sense any more.
A/N: Writing this and Alone was the only way I could comfort the anguished Gene who was been in my head after seeing A2A ep1.07. (No need to know A2A to get this). Title inspired by Clifford T. Ward. Previously posted to Lifein1973. Just bringing my journal up to date.
I can’t do this any more; I can’t cope with it. Sam would know what to do, he always knew how to help, even if I didn’t want help, didn’t know I needed help. Well, now I do. Know, I mean.
But he’s not here, she is and she sparks me off all wrong. She’s beautiful and brittle; I want her and sometimes I hate her, and all the time I just miss Sam; he’d make sense of all this for me. Nothing makes sense without Sam.
I try to do the modern things, show I’m not entirely stuck in the Dark Ages. Telly nonsense, I did that. Made a complete twat of meself, didn’t know what to say. Sam always did the word stuff, come to think, he’d have told me what to say. I’d have ignored him of course, never let him get too above himself; not good for him.
I miss him. All sorts of ways life was better with Sam around. Perhaps they’re right, I should just go. Give up and slink back to
I asked her out: offered her everything. Felt a fool after, mind, good job it didn’t come off. She’s not who I want – well, that way, OK, a man’s got needs – and some nights I sit here and drink the Scotch and wish I’d gone in that river too.
Nothing lasts forever, isn’t that what they say, but we would’ve, if we’d been let. He used to joke about it – “We’re like an old married couple, Guv”, he’d say. “Well, we will be.” Didn’t explain, not him, too much to expect he’d tell me what he was on about for once. Made him smile though.
I miss that smile. Never thought I’d say it, even in my head. I miss the smile and the frown and the bloody irritating Gladys of him. And I always will.